Come on…think! Why won’t my brain engage and allow me to articulate what I’m thinking?”

Ever had that before…?

Or

“The words coming out of my mouth have no actual bearing on what I really wanted to say, I’m just filling in space now and I’m losing my audience”

That one’s a classic too.

What we’re ‘thinking’ and what we ‘want to say’ is actually a concoction of current emotion, past experiences, beliefs, values all projected onto the question or situation in front of us.

We can remain so much in our own heads trying to separate out the bits we want to say, constructing it to be relatable, and something that doesn’t humiliate us in some inadvertent way, that we miss the actual point.

Let me introduce to you, the power of adding an ‘object’ into the mix. (Bear with me…) Objects allow us to focus on something outside of ourselves, something else to project onto.

For example, ever noticed how much easier it is to introduce yourself to someone and build rapport when you can both talk about a ‘lovely cup of tea’ you’re holding. Or when you’re looking at something in a shop window or at a craft fair or gallery. You can use the object(s) in front of you as a talking point, an ice breaker. You’ll most probably still learn each other’s names or a snippet of information about each other but it’s a much more relaxed conversation when you’re commenting on how strong you like your tea than it is when you approach each other cold… just with your usual TDK 90 running in your head (that’s one for those who remember the 1980s).

Objects are used in coaching all the time. If a client looks like they’re struggling to move forward or they’re stuck in a loop, we introduce objects as a way to shift the clients ‘state’ into new thinking.

Objects also help memory, they’re physical anchors to conversations, names and situations. Holding an object can be a powerful way to help you remember, especially to remember emotion.

My point here really is this…if you’re nervous about a conversation, a presentation, an interaction or you’re wanting to support someone else through the same, introducing an object to both focus your attention on whilst you chat, or holding an object whilst you walk through that room full of people you don’t know can be a real game changer.

I attended some training yesterday, and the professor leading the group asked us all to choose an item from the table in front of us. None of us knew each other, but within seconds, we were talking about which to choose, what the objects represented and the volume in the room grew.

It created instant connection, immediate relief that we had something outside of our own mental thoughts to help us engage. Phew! Our conscious minds could relax and let our unconscious minds do the work…perfect, as that’s really the rudder that steers the ship.